Thursday, August 23, 2012

The last chemo is the longest

The fewer of hours left, the longer they take to pass by. Time passes very slowly. All I can think of is sleeping in my own bed, sitting in my recliner, and being free off all these tubes. I'm getting the Red Devil drug this time which goes at very slow rate over 24 hours and that's for 3 full days. So even at night I'm still connected to these tubes. I've been taking anti anxiety meds these last two nights. I should be off and done with the Red Devil tonight, so hopefully sleeping will be easier without all the tubes still connected. Tomorrow I'll get the last drug and then some preventive meds. I should be home around 8pm. If only there was away to get these last meds at home... I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and I want to run towards it and break free. But I can't, I still have all these tubes connected to me chaining me down, holding me in this Stanford prison.

I hope for good results from the coming CT and PET scans. Results that will tell that nothing else needs to be done. Maybe a small surgery to knock out this tumor once and for all. But hopefully no more chemo, and if so at least not a chemo that will require an over night admitting because I won't be able to take it. I cannot wait to get back to life, back on track, wherever it was I was heading I've kinda forgotten. Let me just finish with this chemo, and be on my way thank you very much, enough says I!

Forgot to mention, thank you SF Giants, broom broom broom, down goes LA.


  1. Ilan, i hope the hours will pass quickly , is there anything to help pass time?

    maybe the force be with you!


  2. לילי
    כואב לקרוא על הסבל שלך, מקווה שיעבור מהר, אחת ולתמיד ותבוא לבקר ונעשה חגיגה גדולה לכבוד החיים, אני יודע שהיינו חברים לא כל כך טובים, ואני מצטער על כך אבל כמה שזה דפוק אבל מקרים כואבים כאלה מחזירים קצת את ההיגיון למציאות, מאחל לך שיגמר כבר הסבל הזה ותחזור לחיים נורמליים

    1. תודה גבר, גם אני מקווה שהכל יגמר כבר. ושאוכל לחזור לשיגרה נורמלית. מקווה לבוא לביקור ויכול להיות שאני חוזר בכלל, תלוי איזה עוד טיפולים צריך...