Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Too many ideas

When I get a little lazy, no, scratch that. When I lose time, I'm busy with other things, I tend procrastinate, I over think things, I over analyze things.
I wanted to write a post before, but I wasn't feeling well, I had other things to do like hanging out with family and friends, and just relaxing at home, in Israel. I also didn't have something satisfying to blog about. Then I got (and I do this many times) to a point where I have too much to blog about, and I procrastinate yet again until I find an hour or two where I can sit down and nicely organize all the great material gathered up. Of course this perfect hour almost never ever comes. I have perfectionism tendencies, so that can make it hard to just write something, anything. If I have an idea, and I feel strong about it, about the topic, I want to make sure my points comes across well. If there are some facts I need to use in the post, then I have this urge to do some research myself, so that I can feel I'm being true with my readers. Trusting some article of a single person doesn't seem enough to me. Later I brainstorm my idea, and more related ideas come to mind. So I start getting overwhelmed, so mush good things, thoughts I want to share, how do I organize them all that the whole post will make sense?! It starts to feel like a paper for an English class, so I have to try to remind myself that it is not some English class. That it is a blog, a journal, a conversation.

Yesterday I got the first part of the first round of chemo. It is five days every time, and I need to stay in the hospital for five days each chemo round mainly for monitoring. Thanks to some dozens of I-don't-remember-what medications I haven't had any unpleasant side effects. I really really really hope it stays this way. I hate feeling nauseous, I think even more than having this agonizing pain. Pain which, however, with some new pain medications they gave me here seem to be working well to relieve it. The doctors and nurses said however that I might still feel those side effects once I'm released home and the blood cells counts start to drop.

I didn't get much sleep at night, I think I'm going to crash for a couple of hours once I'm done with this post. Today chemo is schedule to start in about two hours. I had a port inserted in my left chest today. It makes it easier to give me all the chemo drugs and liquids, in stead of having to give them through the IV which needs to be replace every 4 days and cannot handle as much liquid at once, like the port can.

I think I will feel ok this week and will have lots of time so I'll try to get some of those other topics I wanted to share. Don't get too excited, their not that big, I was talking more in general in the beginning of the post.

Thanks again for reading, and for you support, Ilan.

Come join my team for the 2nd annual NF walk in San Jose on Saturday June 16.

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